Ok this entry is only for female readers.

(I doubt any guys read this other than Mazreen anyway, so that disclaimer was quite useless, heh. But if you are a male reader, I would appreciate if you skip this entry.

But actually it's up to you lah ok, who knows you might be in Mazreen's shoes one day?)

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Last evening as I was bathing, I felt a lump (or a lumpish thing) on my right breast. And it was painful (which is good apparently because pain rules out cancer?) Nevertheless I was still worried. I don't actually know how to do that breast cancer check thing that you are supposed to do yourself every day or something to look for lumps, so I anyhow pressed around.

The lumpy thing was still there.

I was worried like mad. LIKE MAD!! I didn't want to tell my mom because I didn't want to freak her out (my colorectal stuff already worried her enough)

So I told Mazreen at night, and started sobbing. Mazreen tried to calm me down at first, said a lot of nice nice nice stuff, but I was so upset - I was thinking of all the worst scenarios that could happen, and it was so upsetting! Asked Mazreen in a sobbing-hiccupy voice, if I do have anything serious, will he still stay with me? (now thinking about it, quite funny hor. SO drama one) He answered all the nice stuff - "of course. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else other than you" etc etc etc.

Which only made me sadder in a weird way.

He urged me to go doctor, but I said what if it's something serious and I don't want to know? I am not ready for anything negative.

He lost his patience then. Raised his voice, said it's better to know now than later, plus it could be nothing and then we don't have to worry about anything right?

I sobbed more.. til I couldn't talk anymore, and hung up. He called again and again. Answered and he apologised, said he's just worried too. Somehow miraculously after some time he managed to calm me down and make me laugh and told me to go doctor when I'm ready to go, but faster is better than later, and said Insya'Allah it's nothing ok Da.

I came to work today with ultra swollen eyes. Told Kak Su and she accompanied me to the clinic. Waited for about an hour (!!) to see the doctor, but she was a real nice lady, was very sweet. I had to lie on the bed, she prodded here and there, asked where was painful, etc.

Turns out that it is swollen glands and milk ducts (!!!!!) FUNKY OR WHAT! She said it's a hormonal change and since my period is coming, this is quite normal in some women and nothing to worry about, and it will go away after my period comes. (but if still persists, then come back see her, but she thinks it will be gone by then :)

What a relief!!!! *superdupermuperzuper huge sigh of relief*

I didn't get any medication at all - the doctor said evening primrose oil might help (I have a bottle under my table and another at home, but I don't take it regularly)

Called Mazreen once I reached my office (because he called twice while I was waiting to see the doctor, so poor thing worrying when he's so far away) and told him :).

Alhamdulillah. I am so so so so relieved, so so so... well, relieved. I don't know any other words to describe how I feel right now. I was so scared last night... thinking that at my young age I have cancer or something, or even a lump that needs any medical care (on top of the colorectal stuff) It was so upsetting :(

So that's the story.

Now, if you think that it's not proper to talk about breast stuff here, then I'm sorry if you felt negatively. Because it did cross my mind that some might find it offensive or embarassing. I just want to sort of share what I went through, how I felt, and most importantly, that it is important to go doctor if you find anything strange with your body, ok? Don't be like me and let the worry overcome your common sense.

So Alhamdulillah I'm fine.

Thanks Kak Su for accompanying me and giving info etc etc etc :)

And thanks to Mazreen for being there for me even though you are so far away. (Love u!)