Today's post will have many topics, I think. At least that's what I feel like blogging, because there's so many things bothering me right now.. and things that are making me happy too.. but I'm also a bit lazy to try and be articulate today.. so yeah we see how it goes. Haha.

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First up... SUHAILA! What telah happen to your blog??! Did you move without telling me??

And 2nd, what telah happen to Podah.com? Somehow should hunt Ridj down.

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Mazreen's friend passed away yesterday morning, due to a moto accident. A van, or was it lorry, hit him at Woodlands, and he had been in ICU since sunday, in a coma. I knew his younger brother since we were in the same primary school (Leman / Sulaiman - I think he was from 6.8)

So Mazreen is on his way to Leman's house now. This is the 3rd friend Mazreen lost this year to moto accidents, which is really saddening.

And, in a very selfish stupid way, it makes me want to demand that Mazreen sells his moto. I know life and death is not something that we can control, it's all in God's hands... but maybe it would help me worry less? Whenever Mazreen goes anywhere naik moto, I will make him call me once he reaches his destination.. But sometimes even that doesn't feel enough. Sometimes I feel like telling him to just take public transport, or I'll drive him there, but that would be robbing him of his independence and freedom.

Plus, the more you control something so that it doesn't happen, the more likely it will happen... something like that. Laws of life. Hah.

There's 2 of his friends in CGH now, warded. Both due to moto accidents, but separate ones. One broke his leg.. the other one I dunno what happen. Mazreen pon pernah kena accident before, but it was nothing too serious - he has a long-ish scar on his arm, and a bit on the side of his face. But that happened before we got together. I can't imagine if it were to happen now tau.

So yeah. I don't know Leman's brother's exact name, but if you can.. doa for him.

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Aisyah, my sister, is quitting her job at Watsons soon. The reason that she gave her supervisor: "I'm going on a month-long holiday" Dia ingat ini UK ke? Where people go for gap year before starting school again?

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Was sms-ing a friend this morning about engagements, and it brought back very sweet memories of my own engagement preparations. The ring-search, the watch-search, the kain-search, the alas-dulang-search. I remember wanting to do it all on my own.. but I soon found out that I wasn't as creative and hardworking as I thought I was. Semangat ada, tapi kalau malas, no use. Haha. But tempat bunga rampai, I did it myself. I would spend night after night sewing on the flowers onto the bag etc. The rest of the dulangs, my cousins did for me.

Actually, no. We siapkan 5 dulang ajer - cake, hamper, watch, strawberries, rochers and.. bunga rampai. I think that's all that we prepared. But my dad's side and cousins brought some other stuff.... sampai jadi 14 dulang. Same goes for Mazreen. He siapkan 5 dulang, but his relatives brought stuff so it became 11 dulang.

Let's talk about this whole engagement thing now. I've been engaged for... 11 mths.. or is it 10? I always get confused when it comes to counting dates, tsk.

Have to admit that it's harder than just being gf/bf.. or maybe it's just that as we get to know more of each other, there's more things to adapt to. Like, if we argue, we tend to see the bigger picture, or at least I do. And then when the arguments get too massive, I start thinking, do I really want this guy to be my husband?? in a really incredulous way. Haha. When dah calm down, I realise of course I still do want to marry this guy, he's so wonderful. And sometimes when he says things about me, like I'm being selfish or whatever, I'll ask him if he still wants to marry me, like as if it's a dare. Haha.

But sometimes it still feels the same. I still feel so teenager-ish sometimes, and the only time I feel grown-up is when we talk about life after the wedding, like housing arrangements or wedding stuff. Yeah.

But I miss those days of preparing for the engagement. Buying the stuff, arguing with Mazreen about the ring.. stuff like that. Sampai the last few days before tunang, I felt quite sick due to exhaustion tau! Hahahaha.

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Ok last topic. I don't understand why people hold grudges for stupid things. For me, when I feel upset or angry with someone, I would feel that feeling very intensely during that moment.. and it continues for a day or two. After that I'll be ok.

I don't understand how someone so old, someone who ought to know better, can do what he did. Maybe Ahchai (*name changed to protect identity*) really did something wrong, but satu dua hari cukup lah. Nak meleret sampai bila? Especially if you had YEARS of friendship before that, just let it go sudah lah.

Stupid minor things like this really affects me.

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I love Mazreen. I'm so glad the whole arguing thing between us is over already. Sometimes I feel like I just want to squish (whatever this word means) him because he's just the most wonderfullest person in the whole wide world.

Sometimes. Haha.