I'm so not made for arguments. I feel so miserable and lifeless like shit that has been left on the pavement and no one wants to come near it at all, and I feel like screaming and screaming but I can't because I've got no voice because shits don't have voices, not that I am shit but because I'm trying to use an analogy so I have to go all the way.

I've never argued with Mazreen for longer than 1 day tau. Actually less than a day, coz usually we argue and argue and by night before we sleep either one of us would make the move to apologise and all. But this has continued on til today and it's just getting worse and I'm just so tired already. I really really really am tired and on the verge of crying but I guess I know now what's really going on and yeah I feel enlightened but damn tired. Damn pissed off and tired and sad and all things negative.

I would rather call and scream at him than being silent like this. I hate hate hate hate hate this la. I wish I hate him too so it would be easier but I don't, I still want things to be ok because I love him and I want to work things out but I'm tired of fighting for his attention with his friends. Siapa yang dia nak kawin, kawan dia??!! I can't be like, relax2 and wait for him to call because I get so pissed off, like I want to jump out of my skin sort of feeling whenever I have to wait for him to make the first move which is why I respect all these people who can be so cool and wait for their partners to call instead of them calling first.

ARRGH!! Geram betul ah.