Not a good day at all.

Arguments with Maj.
People worrying about death.
A friend in trouble.

All these pulling me down.

About that friend thing.. I don't know how to reach her. It has nothing to do with me, but I felt so sad knowing what is happening, yet unable to help, unable to make her feel better at all.

Not knowing the right things to say.

So I do the next best thing I know, stay away.

Sigh.

And by sigh, I mean cry.

--

And argument with Maj. Well, nothing new, but I'm just really tired now. Would like to take a break to nowhere and just hide for a while.

He had sms-ed me sorry, called a few times too, but I'm really tired la.

... Is this the dugaan they were talking about? That when you are getting nearer to your wedding, you will have more arguments, etc? Bcoz I'm really tired of arguing, I just want it to end. By it, I mean arguments, not the relationship.. because I still love Mazreen, still am in love with him..

.. but it gets so frustrating sometimes. I try so hard to control my temper, but I've always been very hot-tempered, so it's really hard for me, but he doesn't understand that sometimes.

So last night I went without him to get all my stuff done. He called at 9plus expecting me to be at home but I was out, so he was rather surprised, and only then he started apologising when he realised that I'm not going to be at his beck and call all the time.

But I hate it being this way.

As much as I am hot-tempered, I am also.. nice. I hate it when I have to be cold twds him, or make him upset just to make him understand what I feel, because words have failed.

Sigh.

And by sigh, I mean cry again.

--

About the death thing, I don't know what to say. Someone close to me is worried that she might die anytime..

What do you say when someone tells you that they are worried they will die?

I tell you, it's really weird because on one end we have people who can't wait to die (suicide and such), and on the other hand, there's those who are really scared.

So all these stuff are really adding to my so-called depression. Actually got a bit more, but I don't want to blog up here because too random, haha. You know how when you're down, everything feels really saddening? :(

I want to go to a place where everyone is bright and happy.. because negativity is contagious. So yeah.